I find that incredibly frightening.
As I sat on a bench outside Annunciation House, at the intersection of San Antonio Ave. and St. Vrain I stared off into the distance and thought about my time here. I thought about what leaving would feel like, but I couldn't focus on that for long. Bubbling instead to the surface of my consciousness over and over again was my frustration.
I began to feel my eyes welling up with hot salty tears (really not that different from the the droplets that constantly form on my skin here due to the extreme heat and lack of "refrigerated air"). My eyes were sweating with frustration.
* * *
How dare we as a society allow so much injusticia. How dare we! How dare I leave before things get better. The truth is, this will not be a quick fix. Perhaps it won't be a fix at all. Perhaps there will always be poverty and violence in our midst, the struggle for power fueled by greed.
I would like to believe, however, that perhaps there will also always be people like those who support Annunciation House, be they volunteers, donors, or simply friends of the House.
A great part of me feels like I can't leave. How dare I leave when it is obvious that I can do so much more good--help so many more people-- here than I can at school. Studying seems incredibly selfish at this point.
I know this is silly. I am obviously going back to school in August. But the idea of staying continues to stick with me.
I would really like to continue being involved with the immigration issue once I leave El Paso. I would be incredibly ashamed of and disappointed in myself if I didn't.
* * *
I smeared the salty tear droplets off my face as I saw one of our guests and her three hijos walking towards me and the house.
---Hola, L----! Como estan? (Hey, L----! How are you all?)
--Hola Dara! Ya rente! (Hey, Dara! I just rented[apartment]!)
---Rentaste?! Verdad!? (You rented!? Really!?)
--Si, Dara! Ya rente! (Yes, Dara! I just rented!)
---No me digas. (No way.)
--Si, si Dara! (Yes, yes, Dara!)
---Wow, cuando van a mudarse? (Wow, when are you going to move?)
--En tres dias! (In three days!)
* * *
Earlier today I helped her fill out applications (in English) for state provided health insurance for who two youngest kids (both US citizens). It is incredibly wonderful to be able to see guests moving on, getting their own places, building lives for themselves and their children. I'm going to miss her and her kids, but I am so happy for them.
They are why we have to keep working to fight injustice. Giving up and resigning ourselves to the status quo, regardless of how feasible or infeasible actually changing it might be, cannot be an option.
* * *
Earlier today I heard a very experienced agent from the DEA (Drug Enforcement Agency) speak at an intimate Q&A. We currently have a student group from The University of Colorado at Boulder here for our "Border Awareness Experience" program. Groups can come and stay at Casa Vides while we coordinate/facilitate their learning about the border region and the various issues that affect it. Anyway, so one of the speakers that A. House had coordinated for the program was this super cool ex-undercover agent. It was really interesting hearing all of his insights about the drug trade, and specifically the drug-related violence in Juarez and Mexico in general.
For example:
-I asked about whether he had any insight about what this article alleges.
He responded that he was also curious about that. He said that he spoke with a top Mexican official yesterday about the current situation and asked him that very same question. The agent told me that one thing which is consistently clear is that in general the Mexican government HATES the drug cartels. They undermine the rule of law and compromise their legitimacy due to the chaos. The agent told me that he could only speculate, but he believes (after over 20 years as an undercover agent in both Juarez, the interior of Mexico, and the entire US border region, that he doesn't think the Mexican gov't is trying to align itself with one cartel over another. He explained that most likely, there are fewer arrests of the Sinaloa cartel in comparison to others, specifically Los Zetas because their sicarios are much more professional and keep their violence limited to those in the drug trade. They don't go after civilians. Los Zetas, however, are less "professional," but just as (if not more) violent and brutal. They do go after unrelated innocents. The agent explained that the Mexican gov't is fighting a war (the drug war) on multiple fronts and that it doesn't have the capability to go after all the threats (all the cartels) at once. Instead, it seems to be going after the most imminent and rampant threats...those like Los Zetas.
Caveat: It's possible that I am remembering specifics in correctly (like which cartels specifically) but I am sure about his explanation of the overall rationale.
One of the students (respectfully) asked what the mission of the DEA is, considering that the illicit drug trade will most likely never be stopped. The agent responded by referencing the story of Hans Brinker and the Dyke.
For those of you who aren't familiar with the story, the gist is that Hans Brinker, a Dutch boy, stuck his finger in the dike when a flood threatened, and thus kept the water back.
* * *
Sometimes all we can do is keep the water back.
When the town (or the society in this case)
is built below sea-level (or built without regard to those who are most vulnerable)
floods (or societal woes like poverty and violence)
are simply a fact of life.
Until we can build some new foundations, create a more level playing field, one in which no-one is fated to drown due to his/her circumstance of birth, I'll do my best to just keep my finger in that leak... trying to hold the water back.
thank you!
ReplyDeletelove always!