a summer on the border / un verano en la frontera

returning to EP

2011-05-03T21:25:00.001-06:00

I am definitely returning to El Paso this summer! I will be working at Las Americas Immigrant Advocacy Center as an intern and will hopefully have time to be a community volunteer at Annunciation House!

I'm so relieved that I received funding from Brandeis: Social Justice World of Work Fellowship. Phew!

I'm currently trying to decide if I want to continue on this blog or create another one. A ver.

SCB Presentation

2011-03-09T20:30:00.001-07:00

SCB Fellows 2010 Presentation: We Don't Know S#@t! from Dara Rosenkrantz on Vimeo.

An article in Brandeis University's "The Justice"

2010-09-10T22:55:00.001-06:00

Between Boundaries
Students spent time in Israel and on the Mexican border to learn about cultures in conflict
by Dafna Fine

For some, the barbed wire creates the illusion of a prison. Swarms of people grow restless, waiting up to two or three hours in the heat. Words of hatred and political divide are spray painted across the wall and scream to come alive. Young soldiers are tired from 12-hour shifts at the border and Students Crossing Boundaries fellows, along with others, prepare their passports for inspection, but they, however, look past the hate and divide and instead try and understand the conflict.

Students Crossing Boundaries is a student-run fellowship program that started in 2007 following Jimmy Carter's controversial visit to Brandeis. In discussing his book Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid, Carter challenged Brandeis students to "visit the occupied territories for a few days to determine whether I have exaggerated or incorrectly described the plight of the Palestinians." In response to his challenge, a group of students, among them SCB Founding Director Justin Kang '09, e-mailed Carter about the possibility of visiting Israel. A student committee was formed to select the fellows, and 11 Brandeis students were chosen to travel across Israel and the West Bank to experience the Israeli-Palestinian conflict firsthand. The trip, which was funded by Carter and the Maurice J. and Fay B. Karpf Awards, was led by Kang and lasted 10 days over the students' spring break.

Following the trip, Feya Hillel (GRAD), Executive director of SCB, and Adriel Orzoco '10, the program's managing director, worked to improve SCB and develop it into a yearlong program. Hillel and Orzoco, a student born to Mexican immigrants, began by expanding the program from Israel to the U.S.-Mexican border. "We chose to expand the program to the U.S.-Mexican border because we wanted fellows to bring depth and a greater understanding of immigration issues, human trafficking, walls, and issues of racism and stereotypes back to Brandeis," Hillel says.

This summer was the second year fellows traveled to both Israeli-Palestinian territories and the U.S.-Mexico Border to better understand conflict in these regions. Nine fellows were chosen from Brandeis from almost 100 applicants. Four spent their summer in the U.S. Mexican Border region, and five in Israel and the West Bank areas. The vision for the fellows was "to not only talk about the conflict but to learn from people and expand their perspectives by living in a different culture and having a true understanding of a name and place. That is something that is greater than books and studies," Hillel says.

"How much do people really understand about the conflict when they post flyers that say 'fight for peace' and 'end the occupation'?" Jordan Klebanow '13 says, a fellow who began the summer knowing little about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and spent the summer gaining knowledge about the conflict.

"SCB is big on encouraging us to go in open-minded and see both sides. Not to judge, but to observe and really experience it. ... And then maybe you can come to a conclusion," Klebanow says.

The fellows took on a variety of internships that immersed them in the reality of the conflict. Living in El Paso, Texas in the Annunciation House, an emergency shelter that serves the population of the El Paso-Juárez border region, Dara Rosenkrantz '12 helped provide hospitality to immigrants in the border region. Located north of the border area, the Annunciation House serves as refuge for documented and undocumented immigrants from Mexico and Central America in need of shelter, food, work and support.

While the experience was at times difficult for Rosenkrantz, who lived and worked in the Annunciation House just blocks from the U.S.-Mexican border, living among the people she was working to help made the situation a rewarding one for her. "It was a challenging and extremely intense summer living and working in the same place. The people I worked with were coming from such difficult situations, sometimes it was hard to relate. I grew close to a family that had a really difficult story. They left the house and we brought them dinner," Rosenkrantz says.

Rosenkrantz also spearheaded the planning for a procession in downtown El Paso after a 15-year-old boy was shot and killed by a border patrol agent.

"SCB was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I feel really passionate about immigration and border issues now, and I don't think it will fade," she says. Rosenkrantz, a Psychology and Hispanic Studies double major, learned about SCB through an e-mail from the Hispanic Studies department.

"The suffering of people in other countries, specifically in Latin America, is not independent of the wealth and opportunity I have in the U.S., and because of that I feel the responsibility to do something to help," Rosenkrantz continues.

SCB fellows living in Israel worked with Israelis and Palestinians together in an effort to create peace. Shirel Guez '12, a fellow who worked for the Interfaith Encounter Association, an organization working to spread peace through interfaith dialogue. "I came back with a stronger understanding. I'm still a Zionist-my views didn't change, but my respect and understanding did. There are two completely valid sides. ... People just like to choose a side, but they don't really understand what's going on," Guez explains.

Outside their internships as well, fellows searched for opportunities to experience and interact with both sides of the conflict as much as possible. Klebanow traveled to Hebron, a city in the West Bank that is home to Palestinian and Israeli settlers, to visit the burial site of the biblical Patriarchs, one of the holiest places for both Jews and Muslims. "I told them I was Christian so I could spend time in the mosque, and when I was finished I went into the synagogue where there was an American tour group of young kids running around" Klebanow, who is Jewish, says. "I just kept thinking, 'Not one of these kids will get to experience the other side, and these kids are only nine feet away from what could be the most powerful moment of their lives.'"

Despite an end to the summer and their return home, the fellows' work fellows is just beginning. "We see our students as fellows for the rest of their lives. Our idea is wherever they will go and whatever they will do, they will have patience and empathy skills from this experience. We want them to bring their coexistence skills to their life," Hillel says.

As part of the SCB program, fellows are expected to initiate an awareness project on campus to share their experience. "We're not bringing the conflict to school; we just want to make an impact and show people there shouldn't be a divide," Guez says.

The plan, according to Hillel, is also to spread SCB to other college campuses in the coming years. "The vision is to have activism in every college in the U.S. We don't see it as a Brandeis thing," she says.

"One thing is absolutely clear-this summer has been dynamic, frightening, eye- opening, wild, delicious wet, and mind-blowing. I am a stronger, healthier human being for doing what I did and seeing what I saw this summer," Klebanow says.

Moving forward

2010-08-07T21:33:00.002-06:00

I have been thinking a lot about the meaning of my time at Annunciation House and my time on the border.

Could I aguantar el calor...could I stand the heat this summer?

It seems I did.

But I'm realizing that the heat doesn't just exist along the border.

By the heat I am referring to
1)the high temperatures
2)the difficult work
3)the implications that follow from the work

1) It was really hot. We had neither "refrigerated air" nor swamp-cooling.

2) The work itself was challenging. Being on shift for 8 hours at a time, maintaining responsibility for the happenings in the house as well as receiving donations and new guests can be grueling. Oftentimes, the most difficult part for me was telling people at the door that we couldn't help them. Also, finding lunch cooks, but that's another story :-)

3) What does the work mean? Isn't that the question...
The legal implications are certainly precarious. In my opinion, if these things are illegal, then the laws need to be changed and the victims of these unjust laws merit better treatment.

This time on the border has been very important for me. I want to find a way to continue working for this cause. I have so much privilege and I want to be able to help those most desperate get what they need and deserve.

How far am I willing to go, though, and how much of a difference can I realistically make?

For now, I will continue studying, and I am looking forward to working with the other SCB fellows from the US/Mexico border region, as well as with Andrea at Brown (another volunteer) this upcoming semester to at least raise awareness of the issues on campus, and perhaps more.

This might be my last post, although I might also put more text from the July 14th Procession.

A ver
We'll see.

Tu eres mi otro yo...Ya viene la paz [I promised to share this a while back...]

2010-08-05T12:34:00.004-06:00

Father Arturo Bañuelas spoke at the July 14th Procession and Mass. It was quite moving. Following the mass I approached him and asked if there was a way I could get a transcript of his speech. He responded that he had some notes, but elaborated on the spot. He presented me with the copy of the notes he used at the mass...

Here they are!

Final Day--- Day 73

2010-08-04T22:13:00.001-06:00

I am now in North Carolina...my time on the border is over.

I have a lot to process and will be posting more about the last few days very soon.
----
At the despedida (going-away party) last night, I said a few words to the guests as I futilely combated tears, thanking them and letting them know how much they, the work, and the mission of the house had affected me:

"Ya he metido casi todo en mi maleta, pero dejo mi corazon aqui con ustedes."
[I've already put almost everything in my suitcase, but I leave my heart here with you]

Since leaving Annunciation House, I haven't been able to have a single conversation without bringing up immigration, border violence, the house, guests, or the work we do.

I either talk about it, or I don't speak at all. It's certainly not a conscious decision...I'd like to be able to talk about lighter topics with friends and others, but at this point, it is the most important and most overwhelming thing on my mind. I think it will be for a while...

Celebrating (written Sunday August 1st)

2010-08-03T14:28:00.001-06:00

I really enjoyed myself yesterday.

The morning and early afternoon were wonderful, in spite of (and in part due to) a torrential downpour.

I've been metaphorically beating my head against the wall trying to decide whether to write about this or not.

I'm still deciding whether to post this.

For now, I will just write.

Yesterday morning I went to Ciudad Juarez with four other volunteers. We went to the Mercado Cuauhtémoc in downtown Juarez...about a five minute walk from the Paso del Norte International Bridge.

As the five of us crossed the bridge, a US Customs agent pulled Fabian aside. The agent started asking him why he was going to Juarez, whether he had $10,000 or more on him. Apparently the blond skinny German with us looked suspicious. To be honest, I think the agent (who happened to have a super-thick Afro-Caribbean accent) might have just been wondering what a bunch of gueros were doing going to Cd. Juarez. As we proceeded over the bridge, the agent told us "Be careful, it's crazy over there."

After we crossed the bridge, I noticed that the streets seemed even more empty than they had been the first time I went.

We went to the Mercado and ate lunch upstairs. Stepping outside of the building, we noticed that the clouds had gotten thicker and darker. It smelled of rain.

Before leaving, we we decided to go to a poster/art shop so that Andrew could get a specific print. Just as we got there, it began to drizzle, then rain, then pour. Estaba lloviendo a cántaros.

We sealed our loot in plastic bags so that it would remain dry. Then, we braved the rain. For some reason I couldn't stop myself from smiling. It seemed utterly ridiculous to be running down the streets of Cd. Juarez with four good friends in a summer rain storm. My shoes were squishing and I could feel my toes turning to prunes. My shirt stuck to my back and I had water running down my face. Strangers smiled as they saw us dashing down the flooded sidewalks.

By the time we made it back to the bridge, the rain had let up a bit. When crossing the bridge there are two lines--one for US Citizens, and one for non-citizens. The line for Citizens was non-existent, whereas the line for non-citizens took close to an hour. We went in the non-citizen line because we didn't want to leave Fabian on his own.

US Citizens kept stopping as they saw us--a bunch of white people--standing in the non-citizen line. You know you can go ahead, right?

I'm getting a little tired of people assuming certain things about me just because I am white.

Note to the Juarez reporter who interviewed me at the protest: not all white people are in favor of racist legislation

Note to citizens crossing the bridge: not all white people are US citizens.

To be honest, I liked standing in the line with everyone else. Skipping ahead of everyone else makes me feel like a privileged jackass.

We waited with Fabian all the way through the non-citizen line. There were drug-sniffing dogs in both lines (there wasn't really a line so much as an open runway for citizens), but they seemed much more wary of people in the non-citizen line. The agents in charge seemed pretty rude to me. They kept giving this one teen a really hard time for no apparent reason.

Each of us went to a different customs terminal after waiting in line. The only person who got any trouble at customs was Kyla. The agent who checked her passport was very rude. He asked her the typical, "What did you do in Juarez, what did you buy" etc. He told her it was very suspicious that she waited in the non-citizen line although she is a citizen. What difference does that make? ALL of us were in the non-citizen line, and she was the only one given a hard time. He also wanted to know why she didn't have two forms of ID. I only had form of ID on me. Taking my drivers license and passport to Juarez seemed like a reallllly bad idea. If I lost one, I would probably have lost BOTH.

Anyway, I was annoyed at the US Customs for racial profiling while we were waiting in line, and also for unwarranted rudeness while at the terminals.

I have a lot of love for Cd. Juarez, especially the innocent people caught in the middle. I was happy to be able to go and support them. I thought a lot about whether going was too dangerous, or not. I read article after article. I scoured English and Spanish news sources for any new specific threats. At this point, any legitimate or even fake threats are directed specifically at federales or police. When we (the volunteers) decided to go one more time, we figured out exactly where we were going beforehand, what our purpose was, and agreed to steer clear of any police, federales, or other officials. Granted, bad things can happen even when you are careful, but that is true of anywhere. Also, although I don't like that this the reality, I felt safer going with male volunteers.

------

Last evening we went out for Kyla's 21st birthday at the New Old Plantation (the OP), the largest gay club in the state of TX, which also happens to be only 4 blocks from Annunciation House. The night started off slow with the club nearly empty, but as it got later, the club filled up and we all had a good time dancing together. While I was outside taking a breather from the loud music with Jens, a new volunteer who just arrived, we began talking with this one guy who is stationed at Ft. Bliss. [Background info: the club offered free cover to all military, so there happened to be a lot of straight, average military guys there.]

I ended up giving him an earful first about being tolerant and respectful of gay people, and then more about "illegal" undocumented people. I didn't mean to be preachy. I think I might have actually given him some compelling arguments that he considered. It seemed pretty strange to hear myself talking about such serious issues outside a club, but oh well. It's about winning hearts and minds, right? :-P

While we were inside, the MC basically forced me and Kyla to enter a dance competition, and while he was going down the line talking about each contestant in a patronizing manner, he basically said he couldn't believe two white girls like us would dare go into Segundo Barrio (the name of the downtown El Paso neighborhood that is heavily immigrant) on their own on a Saturday night.

We set him straight. Not only do we have fun in Segundo, not only do we work in Segundo, we LIVE in Segundo.

A random mix

2010-07-30T12:03:00.003-06:00

Today I am just going to list a few moments, instances that have occurred over the past few days that I don't want to forget. There isn't really a theme (at least there isn't one that I have yet to notice). If my writing in the post develops to reveal a theme, it's because I've figured it out while writing.

----
Just so you know, I decided from the beginning to make this blog a "stream of conciousness." If I end up figuring something out while I am writing, I want(ed) you to be figuring it out with me, too. For me, this blog isn't about projecting a certain image of the frontera, El Paso, Annunciation House, or myself. My goal is to help anyone who is reading to "get into my head" so you can see what I've seen. I hope my mind isn't too confusing of a place. If it is, my apologies. There happens to be a lot new non-material acquisitions (ie experiences, memories) stored up there that are in need of sorting and classification.

When I was on PM shift Wednesday I was running around constantly. At one point I thought I was going to have an intake. I talked to a youngish looking guy and asked him to tell me about his situation. It seemed legitimate, so I asked him for some information so that I could check our records to verify he hadn't stayed at A. House before, and that if he had, that there hadn't been any problems. We ended up having no record of him before, so I went back outside to do a final few questions before doing his intake as a guest. I asked him if he already had work, and he responded that he would be working beginning in the middle of the night into the morning in the fields--He had pulled some strings, and with some hard work had secured the job. As soon as I heard that, I knew what I had to tell him. No one can leave the house between 10pm and 6am due to issues of security. He would either need to find other work, or other shelter. A look of panic came across his face. I repeated that he was welcome to stay, but that he would need to find other work arrangements. He said that he had already pulled in favors, and that he couldn't just quit. He asked me if he could just come in and have a plate to eat. I said yes. I knew that giving food at the door wasn't typical, but I also knew that I was the one on shift, I was the one in charge, and if I wanted to take on some more responsibility, that was my choice. I also rationalized it this way: If I hadn't asked whether he already had work or not, I wouldn't have known about his plan to work at night (I haven't always asked that question at the door) until we were already inside; at that point I would have already offered him the hospitality of food and water.

We usually don't give out food at the door because we aren't a food bank. We don't want it getting around that people can just come for a meal...because they can't. I suppose I was just really moved by his situation. I had asked him initially whether he had friends or family in the area (to verify that he had no other options of places to stay), and he responded that he didn't have any connections to speak of in the US except for the person who helped him get the job (the friend was not in a situation to be able to help further...he's also a migrant worker). I asked him if he had any family here, and he responded that he didn't, but that his esposa and hijo were back in Mexico. I had asked him for his birthdate: he is 19. That is one year younger than me. That was when I decided to acquiesce. How could I not just give him a simple plate of food!? I made him promise not to tell anyone else he had eaten at A. House, though. He smiled and said that he wouldn't.

------

We had an "all-staff" meeting yesterday in which we reflected a bit on our time at Annunciation House. A lot of volunteers are leaving in this next week, and only one new volunteer has arrived. A total of 8 volunteers are leaving. We talked about how meaningful the experience has been for all of us, and how surprising it is that more people wouldn't be interested in doing it as well. We talkeda about how to recruit new volunteers, because without volunteers, the houses cannot continue to exist. In the words of our director Ruben, "you give life to the houses."

------

Following the All-Staff meeting, we and many of our guests went to a protest organized by the Border Network for Human Rights. We walked around the federal building in downtown El Paso. People shouted "si se pudo!"(basically meaning, yes we did!). Although I was glad that we were there, when thinking about the protest afterwards, I was a bit disturbed by the overall tone of the protest...joy. Although Bolton put a stay on certain parts of the SB1070 law, there are other parts that went into effect that are very disturbing.

For example, some provisions that are in effect as a result of SB1070:
-It is a STATE CRIME to transport or harbor an illegal alien
-It is a STATE CRIME to stop in traffic (any road) to hire a day laborer
-Arizona residents may still file suit against any agency, official, city or county for adopting policies restricting enforcement of federal immigration law.

If this law went into effect in TX, Annunciation House would be serious trouble. By making these STATE crimes, it expands the range of officials who can (and have the duty to) arrest and prosecute.

Although it is great that some of the most offensive parts of SB1070 did not go into effect, some others still did. The "protest" should have brought to light those issues. If we don't, who will?

-----

When I was at the protest, a reporter from a Juarez TV news station approached me and asked if I spoke Spanish. I answered, "mas o menos" (more or less). With the cameraman about 1 foot from my face, the reporter asked me in Spanish, "you are not hispanic...why are you here at this protest?"

I was not expecting a question like that. I wish there were no reason to ask questions like that. No citizen should stay quiet when there are racist and discriminatory laws on the books.

I responded that I worked as a volunteer at a house for migrants, and that after working there for some time, I felt like they were all my brothers and sisters. I said that I felt it was my responsibility, and that of other citizens, to use our voices to speak for them.

------

An interesting interview

2010-07-25T17:08:00.002-06:00

that pretty much summarizes much of the Mexican position on a number of border issues (mas o menos)

Former Mexican president Vicente Fox (Calderon's predecessor) speaks with Deborah Soloman of the NY Times:

You’re the former president of Mexico. What do you think of the Arizona immigration bill that is scheduled to take effect this week? It would require immigrants to carry their registration papers at all times and risk jail for not complying.
I think there’s a big misunderstanding on the value of migrants. Unfortunately, since Sept. 11, that very sad day, we have not advanced on the issue. On the contrary, xenophobes have taken over; governments like the one in Arizona are taking negative decisions with a very blinded look at the future.
Are you saying America has become less tolerant?
Yes, yes. And maybe the best way to qualify it is “fear.” That fear has been promoted by those who want to go back to the past, to nationalistic attitudes, to building walls and isolating themselves from the rest of the world.

What do you think the U.S. should do about the estimated 11 million immigrants who live here illegally, about 59 percent of whom are Mexican, according to a report from the Pew Hispanic Center?
Document them! As long as they are working, they should be legalized. I admire so much each and every migrant. They are the most loyal workers in the U.S. economy. They build the homes of those who are attacking them.

What do you make of John McCain, who, in 2005, helped craft a bipartisan immigration reform bill, but has lately been feeding anti-immigration sentiment. He just said on television that Phoenix is “the No. 2 kidnapping capital of the world,” a fact that various groups have disputed.
Yes. It’s a total shame, the new position that he’s holding. When he campaigned for president, he tried to gain votes from Hispanics by positioning himself very positively around migration. I don’t understand his position today. It’s very selfish. It’s incredible that a politician of his stature, of his matureness and age, can be such a traitor to his own ideas.

I’m sure you’re aware that the U.S. Department of Justice has sued the state of Arizona to overturn its immigration law, which may well be invalidated by the time this interview appears.
That’s a good intent. President Obama is committed to Hispanics and migrants. That’s a promise I had from President Bush, and six years went by and nothing happened. I don’t want to be negative, but I’m seeing the same story repeating again. It’s been two years now, and nothing has happened in relation to migration.

What do you think Mexicans have contributed to American culture?
Oh, starting with Mexican food! The jalapeños and the tacos and the rest. I think they have contributed family values. And then we have our culture. When you were killing Indian Apaches there, we had built Mayan cities, the pyramids, Mexico City.

Is there anything to be done about the drug wars that are terrorizing Mexicans today and that have reportedly caused 25,000 deaths in the past three years?
That has to be dealt with together by the United States and Mexico. It’s a joint problem and a joint challenge. The U.S. provides the markets and guns that come back to Mexico and allow the cartels to be active.

You think the United States is causing Mexico’s crime wave?
Absolutely, yes. The cartel gangs are nourished through the drug consumption in the United States. That’s why my position is that we should move as fast as possible into legalizing drug consumption.

What are you working on these days?
I am at the ranch, and we built here in Guanajuato the first presidential library in Mexico. It’s built at the old dairy cow stable with modern facilities, and we’re doing think-tanking actions. Let me give you news. We’re going to have Elton John in October.

What for?
To sing, to fund raise for scholarships! We know that for building leadership, there is nothing better than that part of our brain dedicated to art, to culture.

How do you get along with your successor, President Felipe Calderón?
Muy bien. We have lunch every other month.

Do you give him advice?
No, no advice. I just express my opinion.

INTERVIEW HAS BEEN CONDENSED AND EDITED.

runways and enforcement run amok

2010-07-25T15:57:00.002-06:00

On Friday I went with the BAE (Border Awareness Experience) Group from UC-Boulder to UTEP (University of Texas at El Paso) to have a small Q&A session with Dr. Irasema Coronado, assistant provost from the Political Science Dept. (she was fairly radical so far as bureaucrats go) and a recent Obama appointee to the Joint Public Advisory Committee of the Commission for Environmental Cooperation.

Speaking with her about the border, especially after talking to the DEA Agent Gilberto Gonzalez really made me think a lot about the complex dynamics that are at play along the border...specifically el papel of the US.

One of the points that Coronado kept bringing up was the role of economics, specifically that of jobs for US citizens/residents. She was not talking about the jobs that "illegal aliens" supposedly take from US citizens.

She was talking about the vast number of jobs created for the sole-purpose of drug enforcement and locking people (immigrants/migrants) up.

If the US decided to change its approach in relation to drugs, perhaps opting for legalization (a stance that Coronado admittedly favors), then the DEA (Drug Enforcement Administration) would be obsolete. If the US decided to opt for an open border (another stance that Coronado espouses), Border Patrol would also be virtually useless. Border Patrol provides many well-paying jobs with good benefits, and all one needs is a high-school diploma.

I think we can do better, though. I think the citizens of the US can use their creativity and ingenuity (and easy access to credit, a luxury not available to citizens of other countries like Mexico...) to make a living. We don't need to be in the business of locking people up to support ourselves.

We don't have to infringe on other people's freedom to enjoy our own...

Just something I've been thinking about.

------

Yesterday Kyla and I organized a fashion show with clothes from the clothing bank. We pushed all the tables in the comedor (dining room) to the side to make our runway and put the benches opposite so that people could watch. It was a lot of fun to see everyone let loose a bit, and it was cool showing off the nice things we have in the clothing bank.

I was on shift this morning and I couldn't help but feel exhausted. It was pretty uneventful, just a few donations, but I could hardly keep my eyes open. I think I will take a siesta soon.

Day 57 (yes I counted it up)

2010-07-20T22:39:00.001-06:00

Time seems to be traveling so quickly...only two weeks stand between me and my flight back to North Carolina.

I find that incredibly frightening.

As I sat on a bench outside Annunciation House, at the intersection of San Antonio Ave. and St. Vrain I stared off into the distance and thought about my time here. I thought about what leaving would feel like, but I couldn't focus on that for long. Bubbling instead to the surface of my consciousness over and over again was my frustration.

I began to feel my eyes welling up with hot salty tears (really not that different from the the droplets that constantly form on my skin here due to the extreme heat and lack of "refrigerated air"). My eyes were sweating with frustration.

* * *

How dare we as a society allow so much injusticia. How dare we! How dare I leave before things get better. The truth is, this will not be a quick fix. Perhaps it won't be a fix at all. Perhaps there will always be poverty and violence in our midst, the struggle for power fueled by greed.

I would like to believe, however, that perhaps there will also always be people like those who support Annunciation House, be they volunteers, donors, or simply friends of the House.

A great part of me feels like I can't leave. How dare I leave when it is obvious that I can do so much more good--help so many more people-- here than I can at school. Studying seems incredibly selfish at this point.

I know this is silly. I am obviously going back to school in August. But the idea of staying continues to stick with me.

I would really like to continue being involved with the immigration issue once I leave El Paso. I would be incredibly ashamed of and disappointed in myself if I didn't.
* * *

I smeared the salty tear droplets off my face as I saw one of our guests and her three hijos walking towards me and the house.
---Hola, L----! Como estan? (Hey, L----! How are you all?)
--Hola Dara! Ya rente! (Hey, Dara! I just rented[apartment]!)
---Rentaste?! Verdad!? (You rented!? Really!?)
--Si, Dara! Ya rente! (Yes, Dara! I just rented!)
---No me digas. (No way.)
--Si, si Dara! (Yes, yes, Dara!)
---Wow, cuando van a mudarse? (Wow, when are you going to move?)
--En tres dias! (In three days!)

* * *

Earlier today I helped her fill out applications (in English) for state provided health insurance for who two youngest kids (both US citizens). It is incredibly wonderful to be able to see guests moving on, getting their own places, building lives for themselves and their children. I'm going to miss her and her kids, but I am so happy for them.

They are why we have to keep working to fight injustice. Giving up and resigning ourselves to the status quo, regardless of how feasible or infeasible actually changing it might be, cannot be an option.

* * *

Earlier today I heard a very experienced agent from the DEA (Drug Enforcement Agency) speak at an intimate Q&A. We currently have a student group from The University of Colorado at Boulder here for our "Border Awareness Experience" program. Groups can come and stay at Casa Vides while we coordinate/facilitate their learning about the border region and the various issues that affect it. Anyway, so one of the speakers that A. House had coordinated for the program was this super cool ex-undercover agent. It was really interesting hearing all of his insights about the drug trade, and specifically the drug-related violence in Juarez and Mexico in general.

For example:
-I asked about whether he had any insight about what this article alleges.

He responded that he was also curious about that. He said that he spoke with a top Mexican official yesterday about the current situation and asked him that very same question. The agent told me that one thing which is consistently clear is that in general the Mexican government HATES the drug cartels. They undermine the rule of law and compromise their legitimacy due to the chaos. The agent told me that he could only speculate, but he believes (after over 20 years as an undercover agent in both Juarez, the interior of Mexico, and the entire US border region, that he doesn't think the Mexican gov't is trying to align itself with one cartel over another. He explained that most likely, there are fewer arrests of the Sinaloa cartel in comparison to others, specifically Los Zetas because their sicarios are much more professional and keep their violence limited to those in the drug trade. They don't go after civilians. Los Zetas, however, are less "professional," but just as (if not more) violent and brutal. They do go after unrelated innocents. The agent explained that the Mexican gov't is fighting a war (the drug war) on multiple fronts and that it doesn't have the capability to go after all the threats (all the cartels) at once. Instead, it seems to be going after the most imminent and rampant threats...those like Los Zetas.
Caveat: It's possible that I am remembering specifics in correctly (like which cartels specifically) but I am sure about his explanation of the overall rationale.

One of the students (respectfully) asked what the mission of the DEA is, considering that the illicit drug trade will most likely never be stopped. The agent responded by referencing the story of Hans Brinker and the Dyke.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the story, the gist is that Hans Brinker, a Dutch boy, stuck his finger in the dike when a flood threatened, and thus kept the water back.

* * *

Sometimes all we can do is keep the water back.
When the town (or the society in this case)
is built below sea-level (or built without regard to those who are most vulnerable)
floods (or societal woes like poverty and violence)
are simply a fact of life.

Until we can build some new foundations, create a more level playing field, one in which no-one is fated to drown due to his/her circumstance of birth, I'll do my best to just keep my finger in that leak... trying to hold the water back.

let's start with the good news

2010-07-16T13:39:00.011-06:00

The procession and mass went off without a hitch. It made me feel so good as we marched down the streets of downtown El Paso all together. Together we walked--guests, volunteers, community members, complete strangers--and we were all calling for the same thing: a way to end the increasing hostility and violence directed against the immigrant. We highlighted policies that divide families, push migrants into the desert or into the arms of human traffickers where many perish, and spawn legislation like Arizona's SB1070.

Along the way we had two pauses: at the first pause, which occurred by the intersection of Father Rahm Ave. and El Paso St., Benjamin Saenz read a reflection focused on actual lives lost along the border (both migrant and border patrol).

At the second pause, which occurred at the railroad tracks on Santa Fe St., Sister Ida Berresheim read a second reflection (one that our director Ruben Garcia had me compose) focused on the specific policies that have led to escalating violence and hostility against the immigrant.

The Mass was beautiful and the homily(sermon) that Father Arturo Banuelas gave was excellent. Arturo called EVERYONE out. I asked him for a transcript of his speech, but he told me all he had were bullet notes (which he gave me on the spot)...they will be forthcoming, along with the readings from the procession. Despite the beauty and message of the Mass, it was definitely the procession that spoke the most to me.

The traditional Mexican musical drum and dance group Los Matachines led the procession. They could be heard from blocks away, and as we processed down the streets of Segundo Barrio, people came out of the homes and stores to watch.

As we walked I saw so many familiar faces from my time here in El Paso. I saw guests, friends of Annunciation House, and many people with whom I had worked and coordinated to make the event happen. The faces of the guests there--men, women, and children-- were the ones that meant the most to me though. We were doing this for them.

It was incredible to see Santa Fe St. completely shut down. The four-lane road is a major artery for the city, and one block past where we stopped our procession, the road turns into Cesar Chavez Border Highway. We marched in the two empty right-hand lanes, while traffic in the left two lanes sat frozen. As we walked down Santa Fe St. I remember seeing a young woman climb on top of bus that was being towed that was sitting still in the left lane so that she could get a better look at the procession. It made me really happy.

In terms of numbers, we certainly could have fit more people, but the number that we did have was effective and felt strong. I'd estimate that we had around 200-300 people. I had hope for more, but those who were with us were very passionate. There was a lot of media there, and I know for certain we were the first story on the local news here. Ruben got interviewed many times, and I know that at least one of them was for a national news source in California. Who knows what will come of it, but we shall see. I hope that it won't be eclipsed by other news.

HERE is one fairly decent clip from local news about the event. The main story begins at 1:30
-----

Speaking of other news, I read today that last night there was a car bomb in Juarez that killed three people: two police officers and one paramedic.

The federal Public Safety Department said the attack was apparently retaliation by the La Linea drug gang for the arrest of one its top leaders, Jesus Acosta Guerrero, earlier in the day. Acosta Guerrero is supposedly responsible for at least 25 executions and attacks on police.

It seems that there are at least some non-corrupt police in Juarez, since Acosta Guerrero was arrested in the first place, but who knows how long that will last, given the apparent consequences...

Fewer than 32 hours

2010-07-13T11:35:00.004-06:00

remain before the Procession and Mass. I am currently at Casa Teresa answering the phone and trying to tie up loose ends for the event (right now I'm waiting for direction from Ruben).

I just spoke with Srgt. Gomez of the El Paso Police Department about what would happen in the event that the number of people attending the procession should exceed the capacity of the sidewalk, which is where our permit stipulates we process. I was quite nervous about this discussion, to be honest. Srgt. Gomez had some excellent news for us...the police are actually planning to close the streets entirely. Thank goodness! That takes a load off my shoulders in terms of safety as well as legality of our permits...

------

Last evening one of our guests approached the office window at A. House looking very upset. Her body trembled and her voice wavered. Me pongo muy nerviosa...tengo una depresion. She looked like she was about to fall to pieces.

I've seen a lot of guests experience a lot of hardship during my relatively short stay at A. House. I don't think I've become callous per se, but witnessing their pain doesn't affect me as much as it did when I first arrived. One has to build up a certain amount of emotional distance, or it is just too much for anyone to bear. Seeing this woman whom I will refer to as "F," though, really reminded me how great the emotional hurdles are for people in migration.

I held F's hand and asked if there was anything I could do. She said no. I asked if there was anyone she could call, and she said no. I held her other hand and started taking slow deep breaths. She followed suit. I asked if she wanted to talk to any of the volunteers. She said no. She explained to me that she was extrememly worried about her daughter who is back in Juarez...she hadn't been able to speak with her for a while and it sounded like she might be in some kind of trouble. It was about 8pm, and she asked me if she could just go sleep. I responded, "claro que si". She had calmed down and I think sleep was probably the best thing for her at the time.

It always surprises me when guests ask permission to do things in the house. We have certain rules that are explained in our folleto upon intake, but by no means is our aim to restrict human agency. Unlike other shelters, Annunciation House's mission is not to assist the chronically homeless. The agencies that assist the chronically homeless are extremely important and I have the utmost respect for the work they do. Annunciation House is a shelter whose mission is to provide hospitality to and assist migrants and refugees. Generally, the people who arrive at our house our very motivated to move on. We want to encourage individual agency as much as possible. Sometimes with the rules, like the 10pm curfew and 6am opening time we do end up limiting the freedom of guests, but our aim is never be their guardians or pseudoparents.

-----

Anyway, I've had a lot on my mind, but I am more enthused than ever for this event tomorrow...!

good news!

2010-07-12T17:46:00.001-06:00

So today we finally were able to pick up those permits! We had a big all-staff meeting this morning, and since I was officially on AM shift, it made more sense for Kyla to go pick them up instead of me. I really wish I could have gone to pick them up--the satisfaction would have been mindblowing...but ultimately it's not about me, or Kyla, or anyone else. It's about the event, and the impact we hope it will have.

Apparently, the folks down at city hall initially were giving Kyla a hard time about picking the permits up since they had seen me doing a lot of the leg-work, especially over the last couple of days this past work-week.
Thankfully Kyla was able to point out that we were both listed as "contact people" for the permit application. Frankly, it shouldn't even matter since although much of the two applications were submitted in my name, the official applicant for both of them (procession and park use) was "Annunciation House Inc.," of which both of us are representatives. Whatever. We have them! Success!

I had been so worried before that we might fail in getting the permits,I hadn't let myself get excited about the event itself. We have our last organizational meeting in about twenty minutes, and I'm really looking forward to seeing how it will all come together. Although I would otherwise prefer this not be a religious event, I think the involvement of the Church certainly lends our message and our method a certain amount of legitimacy from the very beginning. The connection to the Church will draw in groups from Churches (increasing our numbers), and it will also highlight the issue of morality inherent in the issue. We have a moral obligation to strive for justice and fairness. I am curious to hear if the Bishops of El Paso and Las Cruces (who will be concelebrants of the mass) have anything to say on the matter...

While I've been undertaking plans for the event on Wednesday, things at the house have continued as usual (as usual is a very broad statement...it basically means that things in the house are predictably unpredictable). Nothing incredibly remarkable (in that sense)has occurred.

Well this meeting is about to begin, so I'm signing off for now!
I really wish the internet at A. House would start working again...that's why my posts have been so sparce lately.

Day 45 maybe????

2010-07-08T20:42:00.002-06:00

I waited a bit longer in the lobby outside a cafe. I refused to end my stakeout until I got some results. It just so happens that the woman from Parks and Recreation (who I will refer to as LW) came down there for lunch! I had picked the perfect spot to make sure she couldn't avoid me.

I watched as she ate lunch with some of her colleagues and I felt like predator waiting to pounce on its own meal.
Okay, so that's a bit of an exaggeration, but I felt very eager to sit down with her and find out the status of our permits.

After she completed her lunch she walked over and told me to come up to the office in 15-20 minutes. I waited. I twiddled my thumbs. I imagined all of the ways LW could tell me our event was impossible. I called my mom.

Then it was time! I went up to LW's office. She confirmed that I had brought her the correct documents from Traffic Engineering and said that we could proceed in getting the permit...but there was a catch.

She stated that before I could get EITHER of the two permits, I would need a written letter from the owners of an adjacent property stating that we could overflow into their abandoned lot in the event that more people showed up than could fit in the Placita de los Leones. They had suggested to us before that we check with the owners, but it had never been listed as a stipulation for the issuance of permits.

From the beginning, we were fairly certain that the lot was in fact owned by the city, and not by any private individuals. City representatives, however, repeatedly denied this. They informed us that Raul and Rebecca Campos owned the lot, and that without their express written permission, they would be holding our permits hostage.

As soon as I heard that, I felt a bit defeated. We were so close! I was determined that if we needed to get their signature, though, we would get it. Once I stated that I understood that condition, the Parks people began entering the information into the computer so that they would be ready to issue the permit once I had provided them with the signed letter. But wait! More problems with city logistics. Their computer system wasn't working. I had already waited quite a while...I had gotten there at 10:30 and it was already 1:30. I didn't really mind waiting more. Then it came time to pay and I realized I hadn't gotten an A. House check from Ruben, so I just decided to pay it-they could reimburse me later. I then had to run downstairs to the first floor to get cash from the ATM since they couldn't take my credit card b/c of their computer issues.

I went downstairs to get a copy of a receipt when I ran into one of the Annunciation House board members, Margaret Schroder, who also happens to work at City Hall in another department. Running into Margaret was one of the best things that could have happened. We decided to start looking up contact information for the alleged owners of the lot, Raul and Rebecca Campos so that we could get in touch with them ASAP.

I had done some research on my own when the city first told me they were the owners of that parcel. I found that Raul Campos is deceased and that Rebecca Campos is 86. I had also found a couple of interesting documents on Google, but no contact information like a telephone number. After Margaret and I performed some unsuccessful sleuthing, we decided to go back up to Traffic Engineering to see what would happen in the event that we couldn't contact Rebecca Campos. It turned out that Margaret knew both of the people who I had been working with in Traffic Engineering, so they were much more open with her. They tried to find more contact info for the "owners" when they discovered what I had already found before.

The Campos were no longer the owners of that land! The City of El Paso had purchased the land earlier in the year...which is what we had been saying the whole time. The people in Traffic Engineering made a couple of calls and proceeded to email other city people to ask for permission on our behalf. I was elated! I still had to wait for a response, but the prospect of permits was becoming decreasingly bleak! :D

I left City Hall with hope. While I was sitting at the Percolator (a downtown cafe) I received a call from LW in Parks and Recreation. She asked me if she could put me on speaker-phone...the woman M from Traffic Engineering was in the office with her! People from different city deparments were actually working in concert together! Madness!

They informed me that the lot is controlled by the International Bridge (Santa Fe bridge that goes to Juarez), and gave me the numbers of a couple of people I should contact to receive confirmation that we could overflow onto the lot. I called, and it was a piece of cake. Assuming that the city receives email confirmation from the Intn'l Bridge man I spoke to (which he promised he was sending), we can pick up the permits.

Monday! Permits! Woo!

Days go by...

2010-07-08T11:32:00.002-06:00

I am currently downstairs in the lobby of El Paso's City Hall.
Waiting.

It is only six days until the Procession and Mass in Response to Border Violence and despite many visits to speak with city representatives and even more phone calls, we still have not been able to get the permits.

To make matters worse, the city work-week is only Monday through Thursday, so if I am not able to get the permits today, then the entire weekend will pass...then it will be Monday-- T minus two days.

Today is my day off, but as soon as I showered and rinsed off the grime from a grueling (yet interesting) PM shift at Annunciation House, I walked down to City Hall.

This building no longer intimidates me. When I first came here with Dunya a couple of weeks ago, its imposing fortress-like appearance made me feel small and powerless.

I'm beginning to feel a bit powerless, but surprisingly not so small. I walked confidently into the building past the reception desk in the lobby and made my way up to the 6th floor. I already knew where I was going and whom I needed to speak with. The 6th floor is home to both Parks and Recreation (in charge of issuing the permit for Lions Plazita where the mass will take place) as well as the Traffic Engineering Department (in charge of issuing the permit for the procession).

At this point, the permit for the procession is all squared away--we have paid for the police escorts and everything. I even received a call from Sun Metro (the city bus) the day before yesterday asking me about specifics in case they might need to divert a bus route. Traffic and Engineering, however, cannot issue that permit for the procession until we have the permit for the use of the procession's endpoint--Lions Plazita, which depends on Parks and Recreation.

Part of the problem lies in the fact that we cannot know how many people will be in attendance. Obviously.

Kyla and I were first sent on a wild goose chase by Parks and Rec. because they told us that we needed another permit, but they couldn't tell us what it was called or what it was for exactly... just that it had to deal with assembly. I proceeded to speak with the police department, who in turn directed me to City Hall again in the Development Dept, who confirmed for me that we were not in need of another permit.

That wild goose chase set us back an entire day in getting these affairs in order. Yesterday I finally was able to speak with the supervisor of the woman in Parks and Rec. with whom I had originally spoken (I'd like to think she was well intentioned yet just confused, but honestly, it is hard to say). The supervisor had been on vacation before. I spoke with her on the phone in the morning and then later while I was also on PM shift at A. House. Talk about trying to juggle! No soy una malabarista.

She assured me that she would call back. She didn't, but I understand she is a busy woman. I tried calling again this morning, but the closest I came to speaking with her was responding to her voicemail recording "you've reached the business office [...] please leave a message and I'll call you back."

So here I am, downstairs in the lobby at City Hall. I walked into the office of the woman at Parks and Rec., introduced myself and discussed particulars. She informed me that she was waiting on a copy of the application I had submitted for the procession along with the paperwork from the Police Dept. regarding the procession. I asked her, "from the Traffic Engineering Department, down the hall?." She answered yes. She had to run off to a meeting, but I walked down the hall to the next office where Traffic Engineering is located, briefly spoke with the people there (with whom I am now on a first-name basis) and asked for a copy. Honestly! It was right down the hall! They didn't even know that Parks had supposedly requested copies.

The woman from Parks said that she would give me a call "later", which is basically the kiss of death. I told her that I would be sitting downstairs, here, in the lobby, waiting for her call... that I wasn't planning on going anywhere. That seemed to make a difference. Regardless of how much technology can help to facilitate communication, there is no contest when it comes to physically dedicating one's presence to the matter at hand. It's also a lot easier to forget a voice than it is to forget a voice, handshake, smile, and eye-contact bordering on fierce (yet friendly).

I am sure that I am not the first to be frustrated by government bureaucracy, and I certainly won't be the last.

I hope that the next time I write I will be able to deliver some good news.

In the mean time, wish me/us luck!

A two-day ballistic retrospective

2010-07-01T11:09:00.003-06:00

I have the day off until 2pm today. I decided to catch up on news, so I went to my usual sources:
http://www.nytimes.com-->my national news source
http://www.elpasotimes.com-->where I keep up on El Paso news in English
http://www.lapolaka.com-->a Spanish language news-blog
http://www.diario.com.mx/secciones/El_Paso.html-->Spanish language newspaper in El Paso

I happened across an article at the El Paso Times that caught my attention. The headline read, "Gunfire from Juárez usually heard, not seen"

I clicked on the article. The first line read, The gunfire from Juárez that struck El Paso City Hall on Tuesday was unusual.

My first thought, "Gunfire? City Hall? What day did I go to City Hall?"

I thought about my schedule so far this week. I worked at Casa Teresa in the office on Tuesday, which is also when I walked to City Hall to submit the permit application for the Procession portion of the Border Violence Mass, which will be occuring on July 14th.

I hadn't heard a single thing about the gunfire until reading about it today.

I looked for more articles. As I read more, I found out that seven bullets hit the City Hall Building at approximately 4:50 PM on Tuesday.

"About 4:50 p.m., city workers were going about a regular day when a bullet penetrated a ninth-floor west side window of the office of Assistant City Manager Pat Adauto.

Police said the bullet flew through the window, then through an interior wall before hitting a picture frame and stopping.

The building was not evacuated, but several secretaries with windows facing Juárez described the incident as scary. Several police officers were sent to City Hall. A police crime scene investigator could be seen taking photos of the building.

Petry said an inspection by police and city staff found that City Hall was hit by seven gunshots, which appeared to be losing velocity when they struck. Six of the rounds hit stucco walls on the north and south sides of the building. Two bullets were recovered -- the one that went through the window and one that bounced off an exterior wall. The size of the bullets was not disclosed."
http://www.elpasotimes.com/news/ci_15405948?source=pkg

I had been on the 6th floor a couple of hours earlier. When one goes to Juarez, he/she accepts the possibility that something could happen. El Paso, on the other hand, is supposed to be one of the safest cities in the entire US. Although the incident is raising awareness of border violence, which is a good thing, I'm also afraid that it will cause El Pasoans to demonize Juarez even more and lead to more militarization along the border itself. Neither of these help to address the dire and complex situation in Juarez, and if anything, have more potential to worsen the situation.

"As a result of the shooting on City Hall, Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott sent a letter to President Barack Obama demanding that he make border security his top priority.

Abbott said it was "mere luck" that the bullets that pierced the walls of City Hall in El Paso did not hit anyone.

"Luck and good fortune are not effective border enforcement policies. The shocking reality of cross-border gunfire proves the cold reality: American lives are at risk," he said.

Vince Perez, press secretary for Reyes, said Abbot was politicizing a critical and pertinent issue.

"Texas Republicans will politicize anything to say the federal government isn't doing enough," he said.

Perez said no amount of troops would be able to control a stray bullet.

"We could have had 10,000 National Guard troops on the border, but that wouldn't have prevented a stray bullet from hitting the ninth floor of City Hall any more than adding more police would prevent a stray bullet from going awry in a gun crime in the U.S.," Perez said."

http://www.elpasotimes.com/news/ci_15415261

day 35 or something...

2010-06-29T12:25:00.002-06:00

I have a lot of things on my mind right now. Usually, as you have seen, I try to at compose sentences and paragraphs. Right now, however, the ideas swimming around in my head won't stay still long enough for me to capture them that way. I'm settling for bullet points instead.

-The big nine person family staying with us whom I have truly grown to love left yesterday...but under good circumstances. They are renting a home about 30 miles from El Paso! One of their kids whom I have been tutoring has his final math test (summer school) that determines whether he passes the 8th grade or not today. I think he should have completed it by now. I know he has the ability to pass it, especially after our studying. I just hope he was able to whip out those same skills on the test.

-Plans are moving forward with the memorial procession. There was an organizational meeting last night with Ruben (director), myself, a few community members, and an intern from Las Americas. We submitted the application for the placita where the mass will be happening, and are submitting the application for the procession today. It kind of freaks me out. A lot. But that's life, right?

-Yesterday I went to see the movie 9500 Liberty, which is a documentary of the controversy over immigration in Manassas (prince william county) virginia that began a few years ago. If you haven't seen it, i strongly suggest you do...especially if you have any interest in what's currently going on in Arizona.

The face of the house is really changing. Hardly any of the guests currently in the house were here when i first arrived. Some guests leave on good terms, like the family that just left. Some guests leave on good terms with bad outcomes--recently former guests have been picked up by the migra. Other guests are asked ot leave for breaking house rules. It's strange to think that the house will keep running once I leave in August. Wonderful, but strange. THe house itself is over 100 years old.

It's cliche, but oh, if these walls could talk!

I've lost track of what "Day" it is, but I know I've been here exactly one month!

2010-06-25T15:14:00.003-06:00

The past couple of days have been pretty hectic. I wrote my previous post while on my Casa Teresa shift. I was literally waiting with nothing to do, so I thought, why not write some? I actually ended up writing quite a bit.

After lunch, though, my activity became as fast as it had been slow before. Ruben Garcia, our director, came into the office and asked, "Dara, can I borrow you for a bit?" I said "Sure."
I followed him out to his white pick-up truck parked down the street as he explained to me that I needed to become an expert on the event that we are planning. What event would that be? A procession and memorial mass for Sergio Hernandez Gueraca, the 15 year old who was killed earlier this month...the one about whom I had been conducting research before.

I hurriedly scribbled notes as Ruben drove us around, talking about potential routes and what I needed to do to continue investigating and planning. Continue? I hadn't even started! Ruben stated "this needed to be done yesterday" as he explained the urgency of what I would be doing. I recruited Kyla to work with me on it later in the day, so now the responsibility is divided between the two of us, but initially I just felt so overwhelmed.

As Ruben stated the things I needed to do, I just kept thinking "What in the world led you to believe I am capable of doing all this???" However, as I thought about it more, that wasn't the right question to be asking. As with any other work in the house, it's not about me it's about the work. We serve as we are needed to serve. I don't dump the mop water 2-3 times each shift because I like it, I do it because it has to be done. Same kind of thing.

Anyway, so I went to City Hall once on my own with Dunya (she drove and walked in with me) and have gone twice with Kyla. There are so many logistical issues! Ay! We have to get a permit to use the space where the Memorial Mass is taking place, we have to submit a sound amplification permit, we have to get a permit for the procession, and all of this must be done with an extremely unknown estimate of attendees. We have no idea how many people will show up.

On a personal level, I really just don't want to screw up and disappoint Ruben, but then of course on the larger scale, I want us to be succesful in organizing this event in order to remember Sergio as well as all of the others who have been affected by violence along the border.

Sunday and Monday

2010-06-22T11:17:00.002-06:00

Sunday, as I'm sure most of you are aware, was Father's Day, and we decided to have a special cookout to mark the occasion. All of the guests at Casa Vides (A. House's sister shelter where mostly long-term women and families reside) joined us in the A. House parking lot. We grilled burgers, gulped sodas, inhaled sandia and feasted on cake. We invited the fathers to go through the buffet line first. It made me sad to think about all of the families that were divided by the border on that day, and every day for that matter. It made ache for the children at Vides and A. House whose fathers are not in the picture. It made me proud for the men who were working and sending money back to feed their kids.

Everyone had a really great time, in spite of the oppressive heat.

Right afterwords, we led those who were interested down to what is officially one of my favorite things about El Paso so far-- an event at the Chamizal Park called Music Under the Stars/Musica bajo las estrellas. Each Sunday evening in the summer, Chamizal hosts a different musical performance, which thousands of people from all walks of life attend. This week, the music was cumbia. Although we made a wrong turn and ended up walking the scenic route, we made it just in the nick of time and even had a place to sit.

We didn't sit for long, though!

Some of the guests from the House had already gone down to the dancefloor situated in front of the stage. Kyla and I decided that we would give it a go...or at least watch. Before we even stepped onto the floor, two of the guests were smiling and motioning towards us. By the time my first foot hit the floor I was already dancing. I thought that dancing with guests would be really strange and awkward, but it really wasn't! It was fun, and wghile we were dancing, we were all just people.

We weren't estadounidenses, we weren't hondurenos, we weren't mexicanos. We were bailadores.

We returned to our seats for a few moments, and then we returned to the dance floor with some more friends. Once we arrived at the dance floor again we saw the band and dancers on the stage shaking their hips, and at leats I was a bit distracted. All of a sudden I heard my name and felt a tap on my shoulder. It was none other than Sarah from SCB! I was so excited to see Sarah, Laura, and Dimple. I was completely surprised to be seeing them there. It was a great surprise, though.

I danced with my SCB friends, volunteers from A. House and Casa Vides, guests (adults and kids!) and alongside other pasenos (El Paso-ans). What a great night!

The next day, Monday (yesterday) I was on PM shift. Everything was going fine on shift, I was tired, but everything was alright. Then it came time to find 3 guests to cook dinner. For some reason, almost no one was in the house. Those who were in teh house had already cooked or claimed to be too tired. I kept thinking to myself that if I hadn't been on shift I would have preferred making dinner and doing all the chores myself compared to asking other reluctant people to do them.

One guest had previously said he would cook dinner, but then said that he wouldn't because he had washed dishes at lunch. I continued my search...I looked everywhere. I asked another woman who was doing her laundry at the time to cook. She agreed (1 down). I then heard the doorbell ring, so I ran downstairs and thought, "Yes! Cooks are arriving!" I opened the door to see two men. I asked them if they would cook. One of them responded he was too tired. I pried. I implored. Still no. The other man had already helped cook breakfast and he refuses to cook/eat around ham (which we currently have 16 more of due to a ridiculously large donation). I went into the men's dorm and asked a new guest who was sleeping if he would cook. He thankfully obliged.

I needed one more cook.

I was stuck and feeling more and more frustrated and a bit hopeless. The people in the house needed to eat, but no one was willing to cook. I asked the first man again (the one who had originally offered to cook) as a personal favor. He said no and kept giving me serious attitude. I felt like I was going to lose it. I went upstairs again looking for cooks and I found no one. I could feel my eyes watering but I knew that once I let the first one fall, the flood gates wouldn't close. I was right.

I just started crying and I couldn't stop. It was so embarrassing! I didn't want the guests to think I was weak, or that I was an emotional female or soemthing...many of them already have plenty of deeply engrained gender stereotypes. But it was too late. I tried to hide it, but guests had seen me.

Once they saw me losing it, they started asking me why I was crying and so sad. "Did your boyfriend break your heart??" NO! I NEED DINNER COOKS DAMNIT!

I didn't say that. But I wanted to. Kyla stepped in while I tried to collect myself. Once the guests realized why I was freaking out, they really stepped up. I really appreciated how certain guests responded, offering to help. I just wish that other guests hadn't been so argumentative. I know that they have been through a lot, but being a volunteer and handling that much stress and responsibility is hard work, too.

As I got myself busy again, I was able to calm down, although per usual, my face stayed blotchy for a while.

Later that evening, I received a call from another shelter in El Paso wanting to know if we had space for a family (mother and three kids). I knew we had a room and I tried to get as much info as possible. The police drove them over. As I found out when talking to the mother, the four had fled Mexico the day before because of domestic violence. The husband had beat the wife and wouldn't let her eat. She repeated to me "yo era muy gorda. She wasn't fat when I saw her, though. I believed her though--I could see excess skin hanging from her arms.

After talking with her, I found out that she and her three kids were all born in the US--they were citizens. This meant that they would be eligible for the Salvation Army shelter...a shelter geared for families.

We don't accept guests on a basis of how much we think we will like them... that would be absurd. I have to say though, that I'm really glad they were eligible for the other shelter. In the 15 minutes or so minutes the family was there, the office was torn apart. Toys were flung everywhere, one of the kids stole a popscicle Kyla had been eating straight from her hand, and while I was talking to the mother, one of the kids kept screaming "beep beep!" as he drove a plastic car into my leg. The mother seemed bewildered and traumatized. I wish them the best, and I hope they are able to get the help they need at Salvation Army.

Day 24 (already?!)

2010-06-17T12:11:00.002-06:00

The next day (Day 22) I worked at Casa Teresa in the office again. I did some research about Sergio Adrian Hernandez Güereca, the teenage boy who was shot and killed by border patrol on June 7th under the bridge between Juarez and El Paso. My research focused on negative allegations made against Sergio, specifically on any criminal past he might have had. Regardless of whether Sergio worked for coyotes or was involved in something much worse, in the United States we have a wonderful institution called due process.

If Annunciation House decides to have a memorial for Sergio, it would automatically become political, which is why we need to be aware of any (otherwise irrelevant) stains from his past before he becomes a poster child against Border Patrol brutality.

While at Casa Teresa I also assembled thank you letters for donors...without whom we wouldn't be able to do what we do!

When I returned to A. House around 4pm after my office shift at Casa T. I relaxed a little. Then one of the children from the large family that arrived on Day 3/4 asked me for a couple of trash bags to "put things in." I obliged. A few moments later I began to see kids from the family carrying out tons of stuff and suitcases. I jokingly asked one of the kids, "where are you all off to? you moving out?" He responded "yup" in an equally cavalier manner. It then became clear that it was no joke.

When I last posted, I discussed how it feels strange being in a position of such great power with guests, and how often the ways in which we can help are limited by circumstances beyond our control.

The family had arrived just after I had, and I had grown pretty attached to them. I play with the kids, read to them, and tutor some in math. Some of the other volunteers had gotten pretty attached, too. We just have so much to offer them while they are waiting on their case-- the essentials like shelter and food, but we are also able to connect their kids to resources too (like lots of attention and tutoring from us, as well as educational programs throughRegion 19. I'm pretty sure staying here gives the kids a sense of stability, because otherwise I know they'd be going from place to place or sleeping in their van.

I was completely dumbfounded as I saw them packing up their things. I hadn't been there all day and I had no idea what, if anything had happened. Another volunteer told me about an incident that had happened while she was on shift. Basically, a huge misunderstanding that resulted in the mother in the family thinking/feeling that their family was unwanted and unwelcome. When we discovered this was the case we immediately started talking to the parents in an attempt to clear things up. We didn't want them to leave! I felt like I was going to cry.

We want them to leave eventually, but on good terms, and because their immigration situation has been resolved, not over a trivial misunderstanding. The parents had made up their minds, though. We began to help them to move their stuff out. I figured that if they really were going, I didn't want them to think that we didn't care about them...

The two of us ran inside so that we could write down our emails to give to the kids so they could write us. I hugged each of the kids goodbye (multiple times). The tears welled up in my eyes by I wouldn't let them fall. As soon as we got back inside, another volunteer told us that the house coordinator was on her way to try and talk to them. We immediately ran back to their van...it had already pulled out into the street, but as they saw us running towards them, they pulled back to the curb.

I nearly begged the mother who was sitting in the shotgun seat, "se puede esperar por cinco minutos? en solo cinco minutos D. va a estar aqui. (can you wait five minutes? D. (house coord) will be here in just five minutes.) Almost immediately after I asked, I could tell that just about everyone in the van was crying. The mother responded that they were going to stay. She stated as she cried, "hay tanto amor aqui (there is so much love here).

I was so relieved that they were staying. I had shuddered at the thought of what might happen to them if they left with nowhere to go. Not to mention the fact that I was going to miss each of them!

This episode speaks so much about the power we have as volunteers (both positively and negatively). I won't soon forget it.

Yesterday, Day 23, I had a day off! I was glad that the family was staying, but I welcomed the break from the drama of the house. Three other volunteers also had their day off, so we all drove about 2 hours to the Guadalupe Mountains National Park to go hiking. It was absolutely beautiful. Today I have another day off (once a month we are given two consecutive days off) and I am looking forward to just sitting back and relaxing.

Day 21

2010-06-14T15:45:00.001-06:00

Yesterday I had my first guest welfare meeting for a guest whom I will refer to as "R." Each guest at Annunciation House has what is called their "contact volunteer" who serves more-or-less as their social worker during their stay at the house.

Every week we conduct a guest welfare meeting with each guest individually. "R" is a new guest who is from the state of Durango. He wants to get a visa laser for his wife and two daughters who are back in Juarez staying with a niece (he crossed mojado under the bridge.)

During our meeting I found out that he has been sending nearly all his money back to his family, and I unfortunately had to discourage him from doing that. Although I'd like for him to be able to just bring his family up (it takes a lot of money to get a visa laser) we can't just operate like a hotel gratis. It's not fair to other people who need to stay here. He's really nice and helpful around the house, and I'm glad to be his contact volunteer. It's strange being in such a position of power in terms of advising "R" and giving direction to his plans and aspirations during his time here.

Today we (all the volunteers) had our weekly Monday morning meeting. I was in charge of making breakfast for all the volunteers so I made pancakes from scratch last night and then made eggs, cut up watermelon and put out bread. I don't think I made quite enough food, but no one complained. Quality, not quantity...right...?

We talked about our permanent rotations(jobs in the house), plans for our volunteer community day coming up this Friday, our Father's Day cook out, and then what we each found out during our guest welfare meetings. Some pretty serious topics came up during the meeting, and we still feel kind of conflicted about it.

We suspect one of our guests who has been here for a while stole a valuable item from a former guest. Another guest who has been here for a while has been causing minor problems in the house for a while now, but it's becoming more clear that he is really disrupting other guests with his lack of respect and he seems to relish taking advantage of volunteers.

When working here it's really easy to think on the macro-level... "the work I'm doing here is so wonderful! Unicorns and rainbows!"
On the micro-level, however, it doesn't always feel as great.

We have to say no.

We have to turn needy people away.

We have to kick people out.

We struggle to be fair and honest, hopeful and truthful.

If we never said no though, our yes we be meaningless and ineffective. Part of working here means knowing that somethings are beyond our control...

Day 19 (whoops...sorry about the past few days)

2010-06-12T13:20:00.001-06:00

Although interesting things are always happening here, nothing out of the ordinary (for A. House) has happened recently.

I had my day off yesterday and finally got to meet up with the other SCB fellows (Dimple, Sarah, and Laura) at UTEP. It was really good seeing them and getting to spend some fun quality time.

Although we are all in El Paso, the environments that we live in are very different. From what I've heard about the work all of them are doing (Laura at Border Network for Human Rights, Dimple at MHMR, and Sarah with FEMAP), it's all really incredible and I'm so proud of them and for them. Our internships are different, however, in that when they come home, it is a college dorm.
I'm a bit jealous of how they can all talk about their internships together and have a forum of sorts over dinner when they come back from work each day (not to mention their super-strong A/C).

I am extremely happy to be where I am though. Work and home are the same place this summer, and that can be stressful. At the same time, however, it is extremely rewarding and I feel like I'm learning a lot. The struggle doesn't end at 5pm, it goes on all day and all night...which is exactly what I've been experiencing here.

Downtown El Paso and the Segundo Barrio neighborhood are literally the center of the issues at hand. It's where the Paso del Norte Bridge that crosses into Juarez is located, it's where the courts and detention are located, it's where most new immigrants live (both documented and not), and it's also home to Annunciation House.

Day 15

2010-06-08T23:03:00.004-06:00

It's hard to believe I'm beginning my third week here!

In some ways it has already gone so quickly, yet in other ways it feels as though I've been here forever. It's difficult imagining myself just two weeks ago.

Today I had a shift at Casa Teresa, a building down the street that belongs to A. House where the office is located. I organized the office some and did administrative tasks like answering the phone.

I was really glad to be working at Casa T. today (1) because it's air conditioned but mostly (2) because of the research I was asked to do while there.

Yesterday evening a teenage Mexican boy was shot and killed by a US border patrol agent near the International bridge where I crossed into Juarez on Saturday. Ruben Garcia, the director of Annunciation House, is a pretty well known expert on El Paso/Juarez border issues, and today we were already receiving calls from journalists asking for a statement about the incident.

Ruben asked me to find all the news articles from local(El Paso Times, El Diario de El Paso, El Diario de Juarez, local TV affiliates) and national (Associated Press) media so that he could be as informed about the facts as possible.

I really encourage you all to read about what happened. Based on the articles I have read I am disgusted with the US border patrol and saddened for the family. I hope this isn’t the beginning of a larger pattern of brutality by US Border Patrol.

They weren't trying to cross the border, they were just playing! The children threw rocks, and the border patrol agent responded by raining bullets on them. Talk about an equal measure of force. Border Patrol feels differently, though:

T.J. Bonner, president of the union representing Border Patrol agents, said rock-throwing incidents against Border Patrol agents are common and capable of causing serious injury.

"It is a deadly force encounter, one that justifies the use of deadly force."

Rocks are not equal to bullets.

The incident reminds me of graffiti on the Paso del Norte International Bridge, under which the killing occurred:

When you look to the bottom: "Ningun ser humano es ilegal Border Patrol ASESINOS!"
(No human being is illegal. Border Patrol. Murderers!)

Days 13 and 14

2010-06-07T21:50:00.001-06:00

What did I do yesterday? I'm so tired I can't really remember. The heat has taken a lot out of me. The high temperature yesterday was 107 degrees and we still have NO air conditioning.

I've been diving into my house responsibilities, scrubbing the kitchen like crazy. It's pretty gross, and I'm glad to be making a bit of a difference. I keep finding random goo and dead bugs. Ew. At least it's getting better.

Like most things, the grime in the kitchen was easy to ignore at a distance...I hadn't taken a closer look to see just how bad it was. It serves as a good analogy to being here. There are so many problems, like the immigration crisis, that are easy to ignore when you don't see them up close. Once you've seen the problem up close though, and how troubling the grime is, one can't help but feel compelled to do something about it...

Afternoon/evening lightning storms gave us a brief respite from the heat. Wind, lightning, and a few raindrops brought the volunteers and guests to the rooftop and sidewalk both yesterday and today. Yesterday we saw a giant rainbow and a fiery sunset from the roof as stray raindrops alleviated the heat. Today we got a little bit more... we all smiled, laughed, and danced as the clouds blocked the oppressive sun for a brief period and showered a few drops upon us.

Yesterday I went to a Catholic mass at an all Spanish church in the neighborhood around A. House (Segundo Barrio). The Church was really beautiful and it was really fascinating to see what oftentimes is a big part of Latino culture. The church was run by Jesuits, and as Andrew (another volunteer who is majoring in theology) explained to me, this is unusual. The Jesuits typically only have Churchs/missions in developing countries, but frankly, Segundo Barrio might as well be one. We are a fifteen minute walk from the border and Juarez. I suppose they made an exception...

Today I continued working on the kitchen and got acquainted with the clothing bank, one of my permanent responsibilities while I'm here. Afterwords, Kyla and I decided that we NEEDED to go to a pool. It was just TOO hot. Fellow volunteers had told us about how they would sneak into the Double Tree pool downtown since they leave the door to the pool unlocked. We excitedly made our way there, but we faced a few roadblocks(figurative roadblocks, not real ones).

1.) We got a little turned around. Thankfully, I called my friend and he was able to help us out! Thank you!
2.) We then made it to the Double Tree, made it past the front desk and all the way up to the 7th floor where the pool is located. We then discovered that the pool was closed for maintenance.

We began to think of other options...there was no way we were returning to the house without cooling off a bit first. I then thought of the Camino Real, another hotel downtown. I called my friend from home again and asked him about it (does it have a pool? how do we get there?) We made it to the Camino Real!

3.) When we got to the hotel we had NO idea where the pool was. We didn't want to look lost so we just started trying out different floors. We finally found a map and made it to the correct floor.
4.) The gym and pool required key-card access (unlike the Double Tree)

We then waited casually, not wanting to elicit any unwanted attention, by the door. We missed it the first time someone entered the door to the pool, but we caught the door as another person exited.

Success!

The water was very cold and refreshing! It was wonderful.

Como siempre, espero que pueda aguantar el calor...

Day 12

2010-06-06T12:18:00.002-06:00

I apologize to anyone whom this may upset, but I went to Ciudad Juarez yesterday with four volunteers from Annunciation House. Family and friends strongly discouraged me from going, and I understand why.

It is known to be a very volatile place.

I didn't feel like I could live and work at Annunciation House, often serving people from Ciudad Juarez, without knowing where they are coming from. I had to see for myself.

I took all the precautions possible: I went in a group of five. Included in the group were myself, my roommate Kyla, and then three men: Eric, Andrew, and Fabian. We went around noon on a Saturday (one of the busiest times), and only went to public places like the mercados (markets) and catedral.

Many of you may think I'm crazy for going, and you are certainly entitled to your opinion.

This concludes the "disclaimer" portion of my blog post. What follows is a description of what I encountered and the conclusions I have drawn about it...

We weren't planning to go to Juarez until the day that we went-yesterday. Andrew came up to me and asked, "Dara, do you want to go Juarez later?" I hesitated. I said yes. I had really been wanting to go, and the prospect of going with other volunteers (especially male ones) sounded like a good idea. Eric had been to Juarez before, and had actually spent the night visiting the famous "Peter and Betty" there during his day off. (Peter and Betty are an old priest and nun who have been working together on social justice issues in Latin America for years and they have contacts everywhere).

We decided to get lunch and check out the markets. Eric and Fabian had been there before and knew their way around, but Juarez was new to the rest of us.

When we stepped off the bridge into Juarez I was surprised by how normal it felt. Juarez certainly looked more dilapidated than El Paso, but it didn't seem all that different. Everyone spoke Spanish, but everyone speaks Spanish here in El Paso, too!

As we first walked into Juarez, I noticed that there were plenty of people around, but I didn't see any other people who appeared to be tourists or other white/non-hispanics. Being a border city, besides its emphasis on factories, Juarez's economy is/was very much related to tourism and traffic from the US.

People were begging on the streets and shouting after us to come look at their merchandise and to buy things.

We walked around the perimeter of the park in the center of Juarez on our way to the park. The park was PACKED. Eric explained that the people of Juarez come to sit in the park as a measure of solidarity and to make the city safer. Safety lies in numbers.

As we walked around we would see federal police and occasionally military patrolling. Their presence wasn't as pronounced as I had expected after hearing so much about it, but they were certainly around.

The indoor mercados we went to were virtually empty since no tourists were there. I could tell that the vendors were desperate as they followed the five of us, trying to get us to buy things, shouting lower and lower prices as we walked further and further away. I bought a zarape, some post cards, and a paleta de fresa (strawberry popsicle).

We went to the catedral, which thankfully was naturally cool due to its construction. We saw a number of people praying and lighting candles. What I wouldn't have given to find out what they were each praying for...

For lunch, we went to a corner open-air sandwich shop where I got a delicious burrito de frijoles con queso. It was only 12 pesos($1USD). I had also had a delicious coke...it was very refreshing. And gone in a second since it was so hot and I was so thirsty!

I wish I could have spent more money in Juarez because they really need the economic support. Due to the instability that began in 2006 and the wide media coverage about the violence, the tourism market has basically fallen apart.

As we walked around, just about every building looked like it was falling apart. Despite the state of disrepair, the amount of color and life, music and people, was astounding.

I went to Juarez and I got a sunburn.

I felt safe in the places I went in Juarez, and taking the precautions that I did. It's not my place to go and tell people to go to Juarez, it's a decision each person needs to make for him or herself. Personally, however, I would feel mas o menos comfortable going back.

¡Viva Juarez!

Day 11 (I wrote this yesterday, but the internet was down)

2010-06-05T09:12:00.002-06:00

Today is my final day of "orientation" at Annunciation House. I supposedly will have learned enough to be a full volunteer here...responsible for being a contact volunteer (kind of like a case worker to help guests figure out their course of action) as well as being fully capable of being on shift solo with no one else around. Granted, I can always bounce ideas off other volunteers, which is encouraged, but it's still a bit intimidating, as it probably should be.
I also found out my permanent chores (versus ones that rotate). I will be responsible for keeping the clothing bank (huge) in order as well as linens for the house.

Earlier today the other new volunteers and I went on a "border awareness" tour in which we went to various points along the border in both El Paso and New Mexico to see the different ways in which the border is patrolled and guarded. I think we are going to try and arrange a meeting with a border patrol agent so we can hear another perspective, too. I am really looking forward to hearing this, especially because of my Students Crossing Boundaries background in coming here.

One of the more interesting places that we went to along the US/ border was a community on the Mexican side called Anapra. In Mexico there is a land rights law which states that a person may claim ownership of a piece of land if he/she has lived peaceably upon it for five years so long as no one else has laid any claim upon it. Anapra was a relatively poor community that had a sizable number of families. Katy, one of the veteran volunteers told us about the history of the community, and I am going to do my best to relate what I was told. I want to do more research to figure out exactly what happened/is happening here...

When the Zaragoza family/clan (one of the richest and most powerful in the region and Mexico in general) realized that their claims to the land might be jeopardized, they removed all of the electricity from the community and did their best to push the people out of their homes.

We went right up to the fence to take a look and three kids from the Mexican side came up and started talking to us. They kept asking us for money, and when we said no, they pointed to one of the volunteers who had her purse on her shoulder. Then they wanted my sunglasses. I felt bad...I wanted to be able to do something for them, but I knew it wasn't appropriate. When we were driving away after talking to them through the chain-link fence for a little bit, Katie, the veteran-volunteer who had been showing us around told us about how Father Bill, one of the people I've met through A. House since I've been here, runs a scholarship program that funds hundreds of youth from Anapra. That made me feel a little bit better.

As we drove along the border, I had never seen so many border patrol vehicles in my life! They were literally everywhere.

More of Day 9 and some of Day 10 (today)

2010-06-03T11:39:00.002-06:00

Yesterday after walking around downtown El Paso I relaxed a bit and then went to a capoeira group with Dunya, another volunteer who is the house coordinator at A. House. It was really fun and intense, but now I am pretty sore.

We just got back from a driving tour of different social service organizations in the area and at the end we stopped by Mercado Mayapan in downtown El Paso. Mercado Mayapan is a market and museum run by women who used to work in the (once) thriving denim maquiladoras in El Paso before they moved to Juarez.... I got 8 perfect oranges (for $1!) which I am pretty excited about eating.

Pretty soon we are heading over to Casa Vides, Annunciation House's sister house which is used for longer-term family stays. We will be spending the night there and getting acquainted with how things run over there.

Days 8 and 9 (yesterday and today)

2010-06-02T15:22:00.004-06:00

Yesterday I had my first solo PM shift. Overall I would say that it went well. Some guests pushed the boundaries to see if they could aprovecharan de la nueva voluntaria(take advantage of the new volunteer). I took a hardliner stance with most people because I know that in order to get respect from them, they need to trust that I treat everyone fairly...even if it's about something simple, like storing soft drinks for guests in the fridge (which we don't).

The most stressful part of shift is opening the door to an unfamiliar face.
Ultimately, that is why all of the volunteers are at Annunciation House...for the guests. It still really makes me anxious though. One of the veteran volunteers, Taylor, says that her least favorite part of working at A. House is having to be skeptical and cynical of everything potential "intakes" and guests say. Some have good reason to keep certain personal details to themselves, but we also have to be wary of people who might aprovechar a Annuncation House and the hospitality it provides.

Last night when I was on shift, the door rang at 9:50, just ten minutes before I was supposed to shut down the house for the night, do the final bedcheck, and give a special-needs guest her eardrops. My first thought: "wow, one of the guests is cutting it pretty close to curfew...."

Once I opened the door and see two unfamiliar men my focus shifted to what their situation might be. One of the two men had stayed at A. House several times before, but his extremely quiet friend had never been in the US before. After talking to them a bit, Fabian(another volunteer) and I ascertained that they were intending to work the next day picking onions on a farm in New Mexico. They were planning to leave between 2 and 4 AM. One of the strict rules we have is that no one can come into or leave the house before its official opening time, 6am on weekdays and 7am on weekends.

As soon as this became clear to them, the quiet man stomped off in apparent frustration, leaving his companion behind. We explained to him that we might have a spot for him if he finds other day-work to do, but he declines. We really don't like leaving people to just wander the streets, (1) because sleeping on the street is generally just a bad idea (2)if a person is undocumented, sleeping on the street makes him/her extremely vulnerable to the migra. I made a call to another shelter, the Opportunity Center in El Paso to see if they had a bed for him, but as soon as I went back outside to tell him he could proceed there, he and his duffle bag have vanished! I circled the perimeter of the building and he was nowhere to be found.

It was then almost 10:15 and I was already fifteen minutes late for bed check...the guests didn't seem to mind, but I did. Thankfully, everyone was in their beds and no one gave me a hard time. I was done with the final cleaning and straightening by 10:45. What a day!

--------

Today I have my first day off! Although only one person is "on shift" at a time, volunteers are expected to be around A. House all other times, too, to help out. On your day off, you can (and are encouraged to) get away and even sleep elsewhere, too. I'm staying at Casa Teresa, a guest house of sorts for volunteers that also serves as the office for A. House.

I am just returning from walking around downtown El Paso. I wandered a bit, taking in the sights and smells, and then retired at a couple of cafes for snacks with my book. It has been quite nice! It is very different being in the house versus the rest of the world. Since everything at A. House is so intense--the people, their stories, their needs--it makes everything else seem like make-believe. Walking down the streets of El Paso, a city whose streets were completely foreign to me (at least until I explored them today), seemed light and fluffy. Dreamlike. While approaching a new city alone would otherwise have seemed intimidating to me before, it is hard to think of anything more challenging than what I've heard guests describe since I've been here.

Day 7 (I wrote this yesterday, but the internet was down)

2010-06-01T09:35:00.002-06:00

We started off the morning continuing our orientation. We watched two documentaries: one focused on the journey of migrants across the border, and the second was about the femicides of Ciudad Juarez (called Bajo Juarez). Following the videos, we also began to discuss some of the really heavy issues facing us as volunteers.

The first of those issues was the legality of what it is that we do at Annunciation House. There is a federal statute (I think 1243, if I'm remembering correctly) that has existed since the 1960s that prohibits "harboring, aiding, and abetting" certain undocumented("illegal") immigrants.
Depending on how one interprets it, we could indeed be violating it by "harboring, aiding, abetting" seeing as how A. House is an emergency shelter where we do indeed offer hospitality to the undocumented. What we do is humanitarian work, and in my opinion, humanitarian work should never be illegal. If a federal prosecutor were to go after A. House and its volunteers (like me), we could each receive up to five years for each undocumented person. Coming here, I had certainly thought about the implications of this, but it was pretty different reading the actual statute.

Seeing as how ICE takes advantage of A. House to get immigrants off its hands, it seems very unlikely that it would want to jeopardize this set-up...we are doing THEM a favor. Annunciation House is constantly consulting with attorneys who are experts in the field to see if/when the political climate changes in regard to federal prosecution. This statute was clearly not intended to go after humanitarian organizations like Annunciation House, but if a Rush-Limbaugh-pro-Arizona-law-vigilante were to become the federal prosecutor in this region...then we need to watch out.

Following our discussion about the law, Ruben (the director of A. House) told us more about his vast knowledge of the situation in Cd. Juarez and how it evolved. It was really interesting to hear how he described it. Basically, it comes down to economics and politics, starting in the 1970s. When the peso became very devalued by the Mexican government and the first maquiladoras opened up on the border in Juarez, Mexicans from the even more economically depressed interior began to inundate Juarez looking for work. Juarez faced a population explosion but none of the social services like law enforcement, schools, medical care, etc. were able to match it.

At the same time, once Nixon decided that criminalization was the way to combat the social woe of drugs, the Colombian drug cartels began to transport their drugs into the US by handing the business to Mexican gangs through rather than flying and shipping them in (new US patrol made these routes impossible). The new Mexican cartels divided the country into four regions to avoid in-fighting so that they could all make more money, and each cartel embedded itself with bribes into the deepest levels of government. The power of money speaks when a government is too poor to pay its civil servants, police, and military...

Meanwhile, Juarez is getting out of control and the population soars to over 2 million people where lawlessness rules because sometimes the police and military are the ones behind the crime. Corruption. Meanwhile, the US keeps sending money to support the (corrupt?) military efforts for Presidente Calderon's "war on the cartels." Analysis by journalists and NGOs has suggested that Calderon may not even be fighting the cartels, but just wants one cartel...the one he has chosen.... (the Sinaloa cartel) to win.

It's kind of a mess. Sec. of State Hilary Clinton has suggested that instead of sending quite as much money to support the Mexican military, we send it to support social services that would make the general lawlessness less appealing to people, which I think is a good idea. Before Calderon started his war on the cartels in 2006, nearly all the violence was limited to people involved in the drug trade, but now that lawlessness has become so widespread, much of the violence is attributable to petty gangs taking advantage of the lack of order to wreak havoc on innocents...basically doing whatever they please.

On a cheerier note, the three other new volunteers (Kyla, Andrew, and Eric) and I went hiking in the Franklin Mountains outside El Paso this afternoon. It was hot, but GORGEOUS.

Day 6

2010-05-30T12:56:00.001-06:00

We got a HUGE food donation today from a church...it's pretty exciting. We got two massive sheet cakes, tons of pasta, chicken, and garlic bread. All the new volunteers decided to throw a FIESTA tonight with dancing in celebration. We decided to cook dinner instead of having guests do it in order to celebrate. Finding guests to cook is one of the WORST parts of being on shift, so this will really help to inspire some fun spirit. We're even planning on having some salsa dancing. Hopefully that will end up happening :-)

as we say in Annunciation... a comer!

a festejar!

Day 5

2010-05-29T16:00:00.001-06:00

So this morning I had my first solo AM shift! I survived! I slept really poorly last night because I kept thinking of everything I would be needing to do. Since it's the weekend, thankfully shift does not start until 7AM (instead of 6AM). The house was a lot emptier today compared to the other days because many of the guests were out looking for work, both for the day or possibly more long term. Overall, the shift was fairly "quiet," but I was still running around answering the door, phone, fetching items for guests from the tiendita, assigning chores, prepping cleaning and meals, cooking and sorting beans, checking fruit, trying to chat-up guests, etc.

At the very end of shift a new social security guest arrived (unexpected to us volunteers, but she had been pre-accepted by the office) so we admitted her and gave her the orientation to the house, got her bed ready, and here I am! Writing! Off shift! WOO.

One of the things I really enjoyed while on shift was talking to one of the guests who (surprisingly) is from Eritrea... not Latin America. He told me about how he and two others were the only ones who survived from their group due to violence and the elements. I had opened the chapel up for him so that he could put remembrance candles for those he had lost. Despite everything he's been through (violence, refugee camps, legal battles, job searches) he still smiles. I know this sounds cheesy, but talking to him I nearly teared up. I said to him, "I've had it so easy...I don't think I could do what you've done" and he responded simply that some of go through hard things, and that others have other experiences, and that is life. He smiled.

Ok, enough cheese for now.

Speaking of cheese, I really miss it. Dairy in general. I think it's really great that we as volunteers live and eat the way the guests do, but I really miss having milk and eggs regularly. We only have eggs on Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday. We haven't had milk around lately because we only have what people donate to us (we have a lot of donations), but it terms of variety it can be very limiting. Rice and beans! Arroz y frijoles!

Day 3 or 4...a veces no se contar

2010-05-28T13:02:00.003-06:00

Yesterday the three other new volunteers and I shadowed Amanda (Volunteer coordinator) on the PM guest servant shift. While on the guest servant shift, that one particular volunteer is totally in charge of running the house, answering the phone and door, etc. Everything. It was really good for Amanda that we were all shadowing and helping yesterday because it was a CRAZY shift.

Between 2pm when the shift began and 10pm when the shift was over SO much stuff happened...apparently it was an exceedingly unusual day...even at A House

1) ICE (migra/INS/feds/whatever you want to call them) brought this Polish guy in shackles to release him at A House
2) A new male guest from Mexico showed up with a very strange/questionable border crossing story
3) A family of NINE arrived at the house (2 adults and 7 minors ranging from 8mos. to 17 years)

Each of these stories requires explanation
1) Something I learned upon starting at A. House was that we actually work in cooperation with ICE. When ICE has detained someone and then releases them, ICE will often release them at A. House so that he/she can stay with us or get other resources. This Polish guy, however, was adamant about leaving as soon as he heard the word "shelter" and saw that there were kids around. During the intake interview he kept going on and on about how he thought he was coming to a "half-way house" and how he wouldn't stay here. He repeated "I have no crisis." He said he had friends in El Paso and that he was planning to go to California, but he wouldn't use our phone to call them or even accept our offer to pay for a bus ticket to LA. THe only thing he would take was a pair of pants so that he wasn't wearing the same ones from detention. The whole episode was really strange.

2) The new male guest who arrived claims to have literally walked past border control on the bridge between El Paso and Juarez without being stopped. He said that he put his bag on the security scanner, got in the line where they usually examine documents and literally just walked by while one of the guards was busy with someone else. We all find this really hard to believe... I wonder if it's true, and if not, what his real story is .

3)We got a call from Las Americas (where I think Laura will be interning very soon!) about a family they had at their office. The family had been moving around a lot, but the kids had been in school and the dad had been working. They were in a complex legal battle in which they were applying for residency and very close to getting it. At the last moment, the judge basically just decided to deny, so the family was fleeing deportation.

Their situation is very complicated because one of the little boys who is now 3 yo. was born in the US (a US citizen) and has serious medical problems. Ever since birth he has had to get his nutrition via feeding tube. The Peptamen that serves as his nutrition costs over $900 each month, and currently his family is able to afford to feed him due to government programs. If the family is deported to Mexico, they won't be able to access the federal programs to pay for his nutrition, and the little boy also won't be eligible for any government programs there might be in Mexico because he is a US Citizen. After talking to one of the girls I found out that the mom and one of the children have diabetes, too.

As soon as we heard they were coming we got beds ready for them all, and once they arrived we played with all the kids, all of whom (except for the youngest who couldn't speak anything) spoke English. I really hope that their representation, whether or not it switches to Las Americas Immigrant Advocacy Center, can get this figured out.

Things got a little quieter later in the day, but needless to say we were all pretty exhausted. Tomorrow morning I have my first AM guest servant shift on my own! Kind of freaking out. Hopefully it will be a quiet Saturday...

Day 2

2010-05-26T15:18:00.001-06:00

Today I'm playing a bit of catch up, but I think I'm doing alright. Yesterday morning when I was sick everyone was going through orientation about how to do the AM shift at Annunciation House. Each volunteer is responsible at some point (weekly) for running a shift. While "on shift" that volunteer is responsible for answering the door, phone, directing the meals (breakfast and lunch) and chores, and basically everything. We shadowed Sarah today, so we had to be ready to go at 6am. It's a lot of work, but it's all necessary.

Among the four volunteers I have the first AM shift this Saturday.
Thankfully, we sleep in an hour later, so I don't have to be ready to start working until 7am, but I'm still really nervous. I think I'll know enough to do it all (although I did miss the first day of orientation). If not, I'm sure I can ask others for help.

In about 45 minutes I will be going to a session about how to screen and potentially intake a new guest--something I would be responsible for as soon as Saturday. It's all becoming verrrry real. It's nerve-wracking and exciting. It's good.

Day 1(ish)

2010-05-26T15:03:00.002-06:00

So first, a recap of the rest of yesterday (Day 0):
I ate dinner with the other volunteers and a few of the house guests; we had rice, beans, chicken "flautas," salad, and some other things. As usual, I was the last to finish eating since I'm an incredibly slow eater. I was able to talk to a couple of the guests, Margarita and Rosa for a bit in Spanish, and it was really nice.

All of the guests had a lot of trouble with my name. Margarita kept thinking i said my name was "Yarda" (meaning yard in Spanish as you probably guessed). So in order to clarify, Taylor and I kept repeating "es como Sarah, pero con D" (It's like Sarah, but with a D). We had a good laugh about it.

During the main part of the meal, the other new volunteers and I didn't really talk to the guests too much. For me, it was just a bit intimidating. Once people began to peel off throughout the meal, though, I began to feel comfortable enough to talk to Margarita, an older Mexican woman from D.F. (Dist. Federal, Mexico City). She told me about either her granddaughter or great-granddaughter ( I couldn't tell whether she was saying mi nieta or bisnieta) who is studying las artes plasticas (visual arts). She seemed very proud and loved talking about her.
----------------------

I started writing the above yesterday afternoon around 3pm, but then had to go...so here's more about yesterday (Day 1)

When I stopped writing yesterday I got to meet the two new summer interns from Casa Vides, the sister-house used for longer-term family stays. most of these longer-term family stays from what I've learned so far are for Social Security. I had no idea before that this was an issue. Many times a non-citizen will be married to a US citizen (who has obviously been paying into Social Security), but if his/her spouse dies, then in order to collect the social security payments, they must have residency established in the US. They can fulfill this requirement by spending one month out of every six at A. House or Casa Vides or by signing in once a month.

After that, all of us went to Casa Teresa located just down the street for an all staff Mass. Not Mass as in Massachusetts. Mass as in Catholic Mass. It was actually really interesting, and I liked it a lot. It was not what I had pictured or anticipated at all. All of us (maybe 12-15?) crowded into a small second story room with brown fluffy shaggy carpeting. It was pretty much roasting inside. We opened the window to allow for some airflow, and along with it seeped in sounds from a baby crying next door and later on some Daddy Yankee.

The service was very much focused on the work that we do in the House, serving the migrant and the poor and promoting one of Brandeis' favorite things... social justice! More than half of the service was in Spanish and it was very inclusive and surprisingly laid back. It was certainly solemn and serious, but I would say it was the opposite of austere. There was color everywhere and while the priest flung holy water at us he did so with a small branch of leaves he had grabbed on his way in....au naturale as he described it, in comparison to the ornate silver apparatuses used in most churches.

After the intimate mass we headed back to A House to pick up supplies for a cookout at Ascarate Park celebrating the 25th anniversary of Father Bill's ordination as a Columban Priest. I was so relieved to be feeling better because the food was great. I had missed orientation earlier in the day because I had gotten sick again and went to the doctor. The doctor gave me a shot in the butt (after talking to others at A. House apparently a shot-in-the-butt is the Mexican panacea) and two prescriptions. I'm not sure which one did it...but I'm better!

Anyway, we had burgers and hotdogs, ice cream, etc. All delicious. My veggie burger with fresh guacamole was excellent...definitely doing that again! While we were eating a mother and her daughter came over to our party asking if we wanted to buy cacahuetes. We didn't...we had more than enough food already, which was why we shared what we had with them! The little girl was precious, and I'm glad they sat down to eat with us.

Day 0

2010-05-24T17:00:00.002-06:00

I am writing from my top bunk in my new room for the next 10 weeks.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. A "bit" is a bit of an understatement.
The other volunteers who I've had the opportunity to meet all seem really interesting. I'm looking forward to getting to know them.

At this point, I just feel out of my element, which I guess is to be expected. Between being scared about being sick until this morning and hurriedly getting ready after exams ended May 15th, I don't think I really comprehended the extent of how different it would be here. We really will be living humbly. I'm certainly going to get some perspective. And at least a little dirty.

Things that will take getting used to:
-being ready to go at 6am
-washing my own clothes by hand
-sleeping on a top bunk (I've done this before, but it will still be a change)
-mountain time zone
-a bunch of stuff I can't think of right now because I'm too tired

I probably sound negative right now, but I know it's going to be a real life experience. I kept saying that to friends, family, and anyone else who would listen before I got here, but now I really believe it will be.

There's no way it couldn't!

fever

2010-05-22T19:25:00.001-06:00

I keep looking at my flight reservation for El Paso in anxious anticipation...I have no idea what I will encounter there. Right now, though, I concerned about even getting on the plane.

I suddenly got sick on Thursday night with a fever and it still hasn't let up. I know I'll have to adjust to the heat once I get to El Paso, but it seems my body is a bit overeager about this whole heating-up business.

I am determined to be better by Monday morning when I am scheduled to leave. I've had two bags of IV fluids, numerous bottles of Gatorade, and been glued to either the sofa or my bed since this all started.

Saturday night fever--wishing it were just a snazzy John Travolta movie right now.